Never Wanted To Leave
by Jess050503
Summary: A one-shot set after the battle in Winterfell. Brienne is restless and happens to come across a familiar face who offers her solace. I'm not very good at summaries I'm afraid :) Currently a one-shot but I have an idea of making it a multi-chapter fic to try and come up with a better ending for Brienne and Jamie. Nothing explicitly sexual yet...


As winter drew on so did the darkness. The days and nights drowned into one as the bitter storms dominated the skies and sent a chill through the corridors of Winterfell.

Brienne lay awake in her bed; adrenaline coursing through her veins. The night king was dead but apprehension still loomed as the southern armies now had the upper hand. She had faced death and lived to tell the tale but she still felt sombre. Recalling how all the Dothraki swords were aflame as they rode ahead into battle Brienne felt optimism and assurance at that moment that they stood a chance. But then the glow from the horizon faded and a sense of uneasiness washed upon her. Most of the battle was a hazy in her memories due to how tired she was but there were distinct memories she wished she could erase. Pod! He was such a good squire and despite her apprehension at first Pod had become a dear friend to her; Brienne didn't think she would have enjoyed his company as much as she did. And now he was dead; lying upon a pile of other corpses. Watching as a wight stabbed him through the gut caused a cry of anger to free from her mouth as she shoved Oath-Keeper into the Wight's back. A small tear spilt from her eye, as Brienne moved to lean against the headboard, despite how hard she tried to keep her composure. She tried to think of something else. Brienne then suddenly recalled watching wights pile on top of Ser Jamie and her heart catching in her throat. Instincts prevailed as she ran to go and save him. Jamie later returned the favour. Brienne thought back to how she felt at that moment with the possibility that he could have died. Yes, she had to admit their friendship hadn't started well with who she called back then called the 'Kingslayer' but now she couldn't think of him without a small smile gracing her face. He had become a true friend to her and when he had knighted her less than 24 hours ago she had never loved him more. LOVE? She hadn't even realised until death had threatened to take him how much Jamie really did mean to her. She really did love him. But did he love her back? Was he still in love with Cersei? But then why would he be here if he did? Deciding it wouldn't be best to dwell on the subject any further Brienne got out of bed, too awake now to sleep, intending to go for a walk to clear her mind.

Her entire body ached the muscles twinging in her back causing her discomfort. Brienne walked with a slight limp down the halls of Winterfell the gusty wind sending a chill down her spine as she drew her arms around herself. As she walked past the entrance of the great hall Brienne noticed the door was ajar and a figure sat on a chair in the shadows…

* * *

Jamie sat and watched the flames dance and the wood below blacken and crackle. He had almost lost her, his Brienne. Ever since leaving King's landing her only had one intention-to help fight against the night king and if he was lucky enough to survive he was going to tell Brienne the truth- he loved her. As he closed his eyes images of his love being pinned to the ground by wights consumed him. He drew a steadying breath as he remembered how he had saved her and Brienne had willingly taken his hand to help her up. Jamie was suddenly pulled from his retrieve by a hand being placed on his shoulder. Jamie looked behind him to see the most enchanting, beautiful, captivating blue eyes staring down at him with a concerned look upon her face.

"Are you okay?" Brienne said softly. It was barely above a whisper but Jamie's senses were heightened by the power of her gaze and the heat radiating from the chaste touch on his shoulder. When Brienne got no response she tried again.

"You looked as though you were having a nightmare." Her hand dropped from his shoulder as she pulled up a chair and sat beside him. Both felt a sense of loss when Brienne removed her hand. The sexual tension between the two was palpable and made Jamie's head spin. He abruptly realised that she was actually talking to him.

"Yes, no, I'm fine" Jamie stumbled over his words. Brienne looked down at him with that look. The look that implored him to tell her to the truth. Jamie sighed and looked into the flames once again. Brienne didn't pressure him, she would sit and wait until he was ready to talk. Any excuse to watch his beautiful eyes she took full advantage of. Brienne could imagine herself staring into those sparkling pools for hours upon end.

"I was just recalling some bad memories from the battle. Why aren't you in bed sleeping?" he wasn't being entirely honest but the last thing Jamie wanted to do was to scare her away. Patience man, he told himself. She was too dear to him to let his mouth run away with him.

"I too was recalling some bad memories. I can't help but think that Pod's death is my fault" Jamie watched as Brienne's eyes clouded over with sadness and tears began to roll down her cheek. Jamie wanted to comfort her so he leaned in to take her hand but she pushed him away. "Please don't" she whimpered.

God Jamie hadn't loved anyone as much as her lover her now. Jamie knew that he had to try and help Brienne. Her eyes were firmly fixed on the flames in front of her; Jamie knew this was her trying to conceal her true feeling. He knew that she was scared so he needed to take this slow. Jamie fell onto his knees in front of her placing both of his hands on top of hers. Brienne didn't try and push him away this time which made him happy- progress that's better than nothing he thought to himself. Jamie looked to her face only to find her expressionless as her eyes focused onto the flames.

"Brienne" he spoke softly not wanting to scare her too badly out of her retrieve. "Look at me" he hesitated for a moment before saying "let me see those beautiful, big, blue eyes"

This caught her attention. Had Jamie just said what she thought he said? She just wanted to fall into his arms and let him tell her everything will be all right but apprehension lingered at the back of her mind. Brienne started to go into defence mode as she slowly removed her hands from under his. 'Brienne the beauty' they had called her. Oh, how foolish and naïve she had been then! From that night on Brienne had promised herself that she would never let another man take advantage of her again. Ever since that night, Renly's words had loomed above her. Even after his death and the love in her heart shifting to Jamie Brienne wouldn't let anyone see her cry- at least not on the outside. But, Jamie seemed different, she trusted him, maybe it was worth a try, after all, she had just beaten death Brienne thought to herself.

Jamie sensed that Brienne was reminiscing and whatever she was thinking about wasn't good. Jamie knew Brienne and he saw that she was starting to retreat and distance herself. He was never going to let that happen.

"Hey!" Jamie took her hands again a little more forcefully, there was no way she was going to break free from his grasp. "Look at me… Brienne" Gods when he said her name like that butterflies erupted from the pit of her stomach. Hesitantly she drew her eyes from the dancing flames and directed her gaze at Jamie.

Jamie saw her hurt clouding her eyes. Despite her face beguiling her true feeling, all Jamie had to do was look into the deep pools of her eyes. It really was like looking into her soul. He found it so refreshing after spending so many years with Cerci and her duplicitous nature. Brienne was hiding something from him and he was determined to help relieve her of the pain that was plaguing her.

"Tell me what's wrong" he implored. "I just want to help you. I know something is troubling you. Despite having an infamous talent for talking I'm a good listener too you know"

Jamie watched as the most beautiful smile adorned her face. Brienne couldn't help recalling the countless hours Jamie had talked to her as they trekked their way to King's Landing. She opened her mouth but felt all the words catch at the back of her throat as she tried to speak. Brienne looked into Jamie's eyes finding comfort in them. Slowly Brienne divulged the story of the ball that her Father had held for her all those years ago.

Jamie was seething. How could those boys be so cruel?

"So that I why you reacted so much when I called your eyes beautiful?" Jamie perceived that small nod that she gave whilst her eyes were fixed on the joined hands. "Those boys were stupid, foolish and obviously blind for you are the most beautiful person that I know" Brienne's eyes shot to his. Jamie could predict her next words so he was quick to intercede. "Stop! I promise you I am not teasing. Look at me. I promise you I'm telling you the truth- I believe you to be the most beautiful woman in all the seven kingdoms inside and out. Especially inside. Your heart is so pure that at times I'm overwhelmed at how good you are. Your loyalty to those who you care about is unwavering and unmatched by anyone in all of Westeros. That is why I made you a knight. You don't have to be the world's best fighter to be a night you have to have the right principles and you have all of them in abundance"

Jamie felt as though he said that all in one breath just to ensure he wasn't interrupted by Brienne trying to belittle her own existence. Throughout his entire speech, Brienne just stared down at him in complete disbelief. Once again Brienne tried to speak but no coherent words could be formed right now due to her shock.

A silence fell between them. At that moment Jamie just wanted an excuse to hold her close to him, to give her that physical reassurance that he knew she desperately wanted but would never have the courage to ask for. Jamie tentatively placed his hand onto her cheek. She let out a small gasp at the sudden contact.

"Dance with me?" it was more of a question than it was a command. Jamie stood, holding out his hand for her to take. His gold one sat abandoned on the floor, as beautiful as it was, it was impractical.

Brienne hesitantly placed her hand in his and let him lead her into the middle of the great hall. Jamie pulled her closer placing his body upon hers. He lifted their joint hands to the side and placed his other around her waist. They started swaying with one another.

"There's no music" Brienne whispered in his ear as her head laid upon his shoulder. The soft tone of her voice and her close proximity sent chills down Jamie's spine.

"I can rectify that-

_High in the halls of the kings who are gone_

_Jenny would dance with her ghosts_

_The ones she had lost and the ones she had found_

_And the ones who had loved her the most_

_The ones who'd been gone for so very long_

_She couldn't remember their names_

_They spun her around on the damp old stones_

_Spun away all her sorrow and pain_

_And she never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave_

_Never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave_

_They danced through the day_

_And into the night through the snow that swept through the hall_

_From winter to summer then winter again_

_'Til the walls did crumble and fall_

_And she never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave_

_Never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave_

_And she never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave_

_Never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave_

_High in the halls of the kings who are gone_

_Jenny would dance with her ghosts_

_The ones she had lost and the ones she had found_

_And the ones_

_Who had loved her the most."_

As Jamie sang to her Brienne felt a plethora of emotions overwhelm her. Firstly she began to cry as she thought of Pod and how he had sung that song only 24 hours prior. Jamie felt as her body wracked and the tears moisten his neck. On one hand, he was elated because he knew it meant that she trusted him as she never shows emotions. But on the other hand, his heart broke at the knowledge that his love was sad. To try and offer some console he had wrapped his arm more tightly around her and placed a feather light kiss on her temple. Brienne had never felt so loved in all her life. Thinking back to the dances with all those boys years ago they were never this tender to her even when pretending. She realised at that moment that she had never felt safer than when she was in his arms- she never wanted to leave. The song came to an end as Jamie looked down upon her face. Tears were falling anew so Jamie lifted his hand and gently wiped them away with the pad of his thumb.

"Ssshhhh… don't cry… I'm here now" Jamie whispered reassuring words to her as they stood together. Their arms wrapped around each other's necks and her head nestled in the crook of his neck. They swayed lightly together basking in the joy they felt for holding the person they loved. despite the fact neither had said it yet both knew that the relationship they shared was special.

They had been stood for an immeasurable amount of time lost in their own thoughts. Something was troubling Brienne- Jamie's love for Cerci. Jamie instantly could tell that Brienne had become pensive again as the muscles in her shoulders tensed.

"What's bothering you Brienne?" he asked in a soft voice.

Brienne was shocked that he could tell she had been thinking. Am I really that easy to read? Letting out a sigh she asked that one question that was consuming all her thoughts. "Do you love Cerci?" it was barely above a whisper, she waited patiently for a response.

"I've always loved Cersei and I always will" Brienne's face fell as she thought all hopes of Jamie loving her were gone. "However" Jamie had sensed her becoming sombre at the last statement. He placed a finger below her chin to raise her head in order to look into her eyes. "I have come to realise that I'm not in love with her. I love her because she is my sister but I can never see her as anything more. Not after…" Jamie stopped his speech, took a steadying breath, looked into Brienne's eyes and with all the devotion he could muster and whispered "not after realising that I am in love with you"

Brienne's eyes widened at his declaration. Despite her best efforts, she felt tears built at the corners of her eyes. Could she really believe him? She wanted to believe him but so many suitors had taken advantage of her before. Brienne dropped her arms from around his neck and took a small step away from him.

"But I'm ugly. The first time I met you questioned if I was even a woman. The following day you thought I was even uglier in daylight, I was boring, that I have a humourless mule and a toe-headed plank. You constantly tested my patience with your inappropriate and snide comments. You couldn't stand me. You can't…"

Jamie cut her off by placing his hand on the back of her neck, threading his fingers into her hair and pulling her face towards his. His lips sensually and softly moved over hers, the last thing he wanted to do was scare her. Brienne stood blankly for a few moments too shocked to reciprocate anything. But once her mind caught up with the immense pleasure of Jamie's kiss she couldn't help a small whimper releasing from her mouth. Brienne threw her arms around his neck one hand played with the greying hairs of his neck whilst the other pushed his bodies closer to hers. After hearing her whimper and feeling the way she pulled him close Jamie had no reservations about making their kiss deeper. He gently swept his tongue along her lower lip coaxing her slowly into increasing the pleasure. Having never kissed anyone before Brienne was surprised when she seemed to know exactly what to do. Her enthusiasm and passion astounded Jamie he loved as their tongues duelled for dominance. Their hands tentatively started to explore one another's bodies. Jamie's hand gently caressed her waist his thumb sweeping just below her breast. He felt as her breathing became heavier with the rapid rise and fall of her chest. Brienne's hands meanwhile were running up and down his back but were still too apprehensive to explore the planes of his chest. When they both needed to breathe their lips parted. Jamie placed soft kisses along her jaw kissing a sweet spot just below her ear. Brienne's delectable soft sighs and moans spurred on Jamie. Her heart just about stopped as he started tracing lines up and down her neck sweetly nipping at the skin at the base of her throat. God, I love her so much!

"Tell me Brienne" Jamie whispered the sweet words into her ear causing goose bumps to cover skin.

"What do you want to know?" Brienne's reply was a breathy whisper. This feels so good, I never want him to stop.

"Tell me that you love me too" this time he took her face into his hands and looked directly into her eyes. She gasped at his declaration. Jamie watched as her eyes once again faded with fear. He could tell Brienne was about to deny the fact but he cut her off. "Trust me, my love. Look into my eyes. I can see that you love me, you can never keep a secret from me. Those beautiful eyes of yours reveal all your feelings for me. I can see the love and desire burning in them. Can you not see the love and desire that I possess for you? I know that you haven't had good experiences with other men but I swear I only have honourable intentions. I have been drowning all my life and you are a breath of fresh air. I need you. Please!"

The look of sincerity, love and desire on Jamie's face was undeniable. She was battling that small part of her that was warning her that she was going to get hurt but how could she deny him anything. Brienne knew deep down that he was right she did love him but she was scared. But she realised she needed to trust him.

With tentative hands, she mirrored his actions by placing her hands on her cheeks. She ran her hands through the hairs of his beard. Letting out a sigh she told him "I… I love you"

Jamie couldn't help himself he had to just hold her again. "Oh, my love" he breathed into her ear as Jamie rested his head on her shoulder.

* * *

A small while had past and now both lovers sat side by side, hands intertwined, by the fire. After a few passionate kisses and tentative body exploration, Jamie thought it would be best that he and Brienne just sit and talk as he didn't wasn't things to go too much further. Well… not yet but certainly in the near future. The two had sat in the warmth retelling stories of childhood, Brienne told Jamie all about her time in Winterfell and Jamie recalled the happy memories he had back in King's Landing. They only spoke of happy things despite the fact that both knew they need to have a serious conversation- What happens now? Both knew that having that discussion now wasn't important. They had time to sort details later. They were just happy to be in each other's presence. Brienne loved how their teasing continued and despite how it used to cause her offence now she knew he was jesting. Jamie loved to watch her laugh- her unapologetic belly laugh that warmed his heart. And he loved to be the one to make her laugh. He knew there was no greater sound in all the world.

Brienne yawned and Jamie chuckled as he brought her hand up to his mouth, kissing it tenderly. "You should try and go get some rest it has been a long day"

As Brienne gazed at him Jamie noticed the way her eyes had become duller, not making them any less alluring, she just looked exhausted- emotionally and physically. Brienne couldn't help but blush as he doted on her. It felt so strange. To be so emotionally exposed. To be treated as though she were a lady. All her life it was the very bane of her existence. She rejected all things feminine due to her height and scared face that was often referred to as ugly. But none of that seemed to matter with Jamie. It was oddly refreshing to have someone treat her this way. Brienne realised that it wasn't that she didn't want affection she just never expected it, therefore, belittled its importance in her mind. Brienne liked how she could now be vulnerable with Jamie and not feel as though one day it will lead to her demise somehow.

"Thank you" she whispered as she leant down and placed a lingering kiss on Jamie's lips.

Jamie responded by giving her a beaming smile and tucking a loose strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear.

Giving Jamie one last look of adoration Brienne stood and slowly worked her way back to her room, a small smile etched permanently onto her face.

* * *

Author's Notes- This is my first FanFiction which I never thought i was actually going to post... but here we are. I would greatly appreciate any feedback, especially if it is constructive. I have some ideas for other chapters if that is something you will be interested in so let me know in the views xx

Song- Jenny Of Oldstones by Florence + the machine


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